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29 November 2012

when daybreak came
I was the first to wake up
battered unhinged
with the great cloud of Metropolitan New York 
rising before us
in and washed
we jumped
through the Lincoln tunnel
oh damn
it was only the beginning
pitched
among the pots and pans
sprawled on the floor
four thousand miles withdrew
to a dark corner


This is an erasure poem using words found on page 117 of On The Road by Jack Kerouac

13 comments:

Claudia said...

awesome...haven't read on the road yet but def. will soon...love the atmosphere..jumping through lincoln tunnel..four thousand miles withdrawing to a dark corner..cool write

Brian Miller said...

with the great cloud of Metropolitan New York
rising before us....nice...

and oh damn its just beginning cracked me up....

great piece...

Beachanny said...

Love the choice! I have long been a Kerouac fan. First read him when I was a kid - influenced ALL my early work. This captures the spirit of the piece so well!

cloudfactor5 said...

very cool, really enjoyed this !

Mary said...

I like

'four thousand miles
withdrew to a dark corner.'

I read On the Road so long ago...your poem whets my appetite for it once more.

Anna Montgomery said...

Very cool, great source to pull from and your lines crackle with life. I felt the beat :)(punnys are the worst, sorry). Love what you allude to and what you hightlight.

Laurie Kolp said...

Hmm... I think this is sensual and imaginative.

Nico said...

Those last two lines just kill it--very nice piece throughout!

kkkkaty said...

...a great take on this exercise..great to read while one is on the road as well..

manicddaily said...

Perfect choice, wonderfully executed. k.

AJ Walker said...

I felt the city, I felt the travel, I felt city life as it is (or was) and can be. Really good poem.

Sabio Lantz said...

Funny read!
That seems to be the thing about that sort of poetry, you can slice it up and it still reads similar.

Kim Nelson said...

Oh, Jack! His voice is recognizable, your voice harmonizes nicely. This feels more like a collaboration of great, creative minds than an erasure exercise.